by Jaylyn Renaud Hosburgh
After struggling with infertility for 7 years, 7 IUI and 3 IVF we finally were pregnant with twins. The pregnancy was not the easiest. We had a few scares and the last one landed me in the hospital for 4 weeks. At 36 weeks and 1 day my babies were born healthy and giant.
I had a bad delivery. I had a postpartum hemorrhage they couldn’t control. I stayed in the OR for over 6 hours. I wasn’t able to hold the babies for over 36 hours. The next 5 days were a blur. I don’t really remember much, but all that mattered was my babies were here and healthy. I didn’t care what was going on with me. While being in the hospital for 5 days, having a difficult pregnancy and even worse delivery, you would think they would discuss postpartum depression with me. Instead I had to watch a video of why I shouldn’t shake my baby which was mandatory before we left.
After being home for 2 days we returned to the hospital for our checkup. The nurse asked how I was feeling which I replied with “emotional” and started crying. Why did I feel like this, I fought so hard for these babies. So she handed me a flyer and told me I had baby blues and it’s normal and should go away in 4-6 weeks. Well, 1 week later I went to visit my family doctor for a checkup. She asked how I was feeling and I tell her emotional and tired, her response was short. “You have 2 healthy babies, nothing to be emotional about”. I blew her off as I was 2 weeks postpartum and going on about 2 hours sleep.
Four weeks after the babies were born the health nurse came out to the house. They assessed the babies and then handed me a questionnaire to fill out for Postpartum Depression. Surprise – I scored 16/20! So by law they need to let my family doctor know.
Once my doctor got wind she called me in right away. At this point I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t stop crying, all the time. All day long. I kept thinking “why do I feel like this, this is what I always wanted?”. So once I got into my family doctor office she told me my score. She then told me “this is what you always wanted, why are you sad?”. Well that made me feel horrible I already thought that going in and now it has been confirmed by a medical professional. She then asked me what I wanted her to do, at this point I wanted out so told her “nothing you called me in”. She prescribed some meds and off I went.
I called my mom from the car crying and told her what happened. We talked and I went home and did some research. Turns out I had all the risk factors to develop PPD. 1) suffered from infertility 2) fertility drugs 3) suffered from anxiety and depression prior to being pregnant 4) hard pregnancy 5) hard delivery. Wow, all these risk factors and not one person told me what to look out for, not one person told me I was at risk to develop PPD.
Since then I have reached out to the POMBA group and switched family doctors. Both of these things helped me get through. I am feeling ok now. The twins just turned 6 months. Some days are harder than others. My husband has been off on paternity leave and is going back to work soon. That will be another challenge for me.
Please know if you are suffering, you are not alone. People just don’t talk about it.